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thefatjewish

thefatjewish

MY MOM FUCKED SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN 1971 (SERIOUSLY) EMAILIO.ADDRESSTEVEZ@GMAIL FOUNDER OF @drinkbabe

emailio.addresstevez@gmail.com

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I sold my wine company @drinkbabe to the largest alcohol conglomerate in the world while wearing assless leather chaps to meetings and having one of the stupidest haircuts of all time. Anything is possible in 2019 you guys. No, but like seriously, fucking ANYTHING.

2019 IS SO FUCKING WEIRD.

”ALEXA, PLAY THE FERGIE RENDITION OF THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THANKSSSSS”

SORRY GLOBAL WARMING AND TRUMP LETTING PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES OWN GUNS, NOTHING IS MORE COMPLETELY FUCKING TERRIFYING THAN WHITE GIRLS DOING SORORITY CHANTS. YOUTUBE IT AND PREPARE TO FEEL FEELINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO FEEL INSIDE. (Tw: @notsogosling)

FUCK YES SUCK DICKS! Shouts to all my bears, wolves, otters, rats, pandas, bulls, cubs, circuit boys, closet jocks, twinks, twunks, drag queens, soft butches, stone butches, high femmes, lipstick lesbians, celesbians, diesel dykes, power bottoms, classic tops, verse boiiiis, leather daddys and everyone else in the rainbow THESE COLORS DON’T RUN

YOU’D BE ABLE TO POSTMATES IT AND HAVE IT DELIVERED WITH A PINT OF ICE CREAM, GUARANFUCKINGTEED.

MY MOM HAS BEEN DOING THIS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY FOR FREE FOR 40 FUCKING YEARS

I HAVE A DEEP FEAR OF THREE THINGS: CLOWNS, THE OUTDOORS, AND THOSE WEIRD TOE SHOES THAT ACTIVE MIDDLE AGED MEN WEAR (YES, IT'S A BIZARRE TRIGGER). IN ORDER TO CONQUER THESE FEARS, I PARTNERED WITH BLU’S @PLEDGEWORLD AND HONESTLY IT WAS INSANE AND I'M PROBABLY A BETTER PERSON BUT IT CAN NEVER BE UNLIVED. Warning: Product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

I RECENTLY MET AN INFLUENCER MOM WHO IS PROMOTING “CBD EDAMAME FOR KIDS” AND AT THAT MOMENT I TRULY WISHED I HAD ALZHEIMER’S AND WOULD FORGET EVERYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN (@cxcope)

I'm wayyyy too consistently stoned to keep all this fucking information straight, like TARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM, BROTHER AND UNCLE OF BARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM THE THIRD, RIGHTFUL HEIR TO THE THRONE OF THE SECOND KINGDOM OF DRAGONWIG, OKKKK NERDS (@eliasswakim)

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THE PLANS YOU MAKE WHILE PEAKING ON MOLLY AT SUNRISE DURING A DIPLO SET AREN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN AND THAT YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. (Twitter: @hipstermermaid)

SPOKE AT HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL YESTERDAY, WAS MOST LIKELY THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO WEAR REALTREE OVERALLS WITH NO SHIRT AND USE THE WORD “HANDJOB” THREE TIMES DURING A LECTURE. ME AND @anitaelberse (WHO IS AN ACTUAL LEGEND) TALKED ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, HOW WE BUILT @drinkbabe, AND THE TIME ME AND MADONNA PRANK CALLED BONO DURING A SLEEPOVER. AND TO ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO HAS A SICK BUSINESS IDEA, DM ME BECAUSE I WANT TO INVEST AND HELP YOU BUILD SO YOU GET RICH ENOUGH TO BUY A FALCON FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME @harvardhbs, MEMORIES WERE MADE.

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